I’ll never forget the moment a well-meaning father walked into my office, plopped down on the couch, and with a relieved sigh said, “Alright, fix him. I'll be back in an hour.”
I smiled and said, “Oh no, no. You’re staying.”
The look on his face was a mix of confusion, mild panic, and deep betrayal. “Wait, me? Why?”
It was a fair question. After all, he wasn’t the one having meltdowns over math homework or refusing to speak to his teacher. But what I’ve learned in my years as a therapist specializing in children and teens is that when a child comes into therapy, they don’t come alone. They bring their world with them: family, school, relationships, routines (or lack thereof). And if we want real change, we have to look at that whole world, not just the one small person sitting in front of me with a juice box and a suspicious expression.
Why Parents Think Therapy is Like Dry Cleaning
I get it. There’s a common misconception that therapy for kids is like dry cleaning: drop them off, let the professionals work their magic, then pick them up good as new. But therapy isn’t about “fixing” kids. It’s about helping them develop the skills and support systems they need to navigate life. And guess what? That support system includes you.
I know, I know. You’re busy. You’re juggling work, dinner, and the eternal mystery of where all the socks go. But if your child is in therapy, your involvement is just as important, if not more-than whatever we do in our sessions.
So You’re Saying This Is My Fault?
Absolutely not. But I am saying that children don’t develop struggles in a vacuum. Family dynamics, communication patterns, discipline strategies, and even how stress is handled in the home all play a role in a child’s emotional world. Therapy isn’t about pointing fingers, it’s about creating an environment where your child can thrive.
Think of it like gardening. You can’t just water one plant and expect it to flourish if the soil is dry and depleted. Sometimes, therapy helps enrich the entire ecosystem so the child, not to mention the whole family, can grow healthier together.
How Parent Involvement Helps Kids in Therapy
Still skeptical? Let’s break it down. Here’s why your participation in therapy is so important:
1. You’re the Co-Pilot, Not Just the Uber Driver
Therapists spend maybe 50 minutes a week with your child. You? You’re with them for the other 10,000 minutes. If they’re learning coping skills in therapy but those skills aren’t being reinforced at home, progress is going to be slow. When parents understand and support the work being done in therapy, kids improve much faster.
2. Kids Don’t Operate in a Bubble
Many of the challenges kids face: anxiety, emotional outbursts, social struggles are influenced by their environment. Sometimes small changes in parenting strategies or communication can make huge differences in how a child feels and behaves. (I once had a parent change their morning routine slightly, and it cut their child’s school refusal in half. Magic? Nope, just a small tweak that made mornings less stressful.)
3. Parents Get to Be the Real Heroes
Let’s be honest: kids don’t always love talking to a therapist. (Shocking, I know.) But they do care about their parents. When you learn the tools in therapy and implement them at home, you become the person they turn to for support. And that’s the goal, kids shouldn’t need a therapist forever; they should feel safe and understood at home.
4. Sometimes, Parents Need Support Too
Look, raising kids is hard. Nobody gets a manual. And sometimes, what worked for your first child doesn’t work for your second. Therapy isn’t just about helping your child; it’s also about equipping you with strategies to make parenting easier, less stressful, and (dare I say) more enjoyable.
But I’m Already a Good Parent! Why Do I Have to Change?
You are a good parent! And good parents are the ones who are open to learning and growing. I’ve never met a perfect parent (unless you count the ones who only exist in Instagram highlight reels). The reality is, we all have habits, communication styles, and stress responses that could use a little fine-tuning. Therapy is an opportunity, not an accusation.
For example, a lot of parents come to me saying their child doesn’t listen. But when we break it down, we realize that the child is actually overwhelmed, or the instructions are given during a moment of stress, or (and this one is common) the child has learned that tuning out leads to less conflict. That’s not a failure, it’s just something we can work on together.
What Parent Involvement Looks Like in Therapy
Okay, so what does “involvement” actually mean? It doesn’t mean you have to sit in every session, analyze your childhood, or become an expert in child psychology. Here’s what it does mean:
Attending some sessions when appropriate (so you understand what’s being worked on).
Learning the tools and strategies (so you can reinforce them at home).
Being open to feedback (because sometimes, a small shift in approach can make a big impact).
Modeling healthy emotional habits (because kids watch how we handle stress, conflict, and emotions).
It also means asking questions, checking in, and recognizing that therapy isn’t just a service, it’s a collaborative process.
Final Thoughts: Therapy is a Team Sport
That dad from the beginning? He stayed for the session. And after some initial reluctance, he became one of the most engaged parents I’ve worked with. A few months later, he came in and said, “I gotta admit, this is actually helping me too.”
And that’s the point. Therapy isn’t just about helping your child, it’s about helping your whole family function better, communicate better, and (hopefully) have fewer arguments over what constitutes a reasonable amount of screen time.
So parents, welcome to therapy. You’re not just a bystander, you’re a key player. And trust me, your involvement makes all the difference.
(And no, you still don’t get to drop your kid off like dry cleaning. Nice try.)
Our San Diego, California based counseling practice specializes in helping teens and adults who struggle with anxiety. Through counseling, we help kids and young adults overcome the negative thought cycles, the constant comparison game, and worst-case scenarios that accompany the anxious brain. Additionally, we offer other mental health services, primarily for perfectionists, overachievers or others who don’t feel like they 100% fit in. More specifically we offer treatment for anxiety/OCD, and depression at La Jolla Therapy Center. If you don’t live around San Diego or the commute makes in-person therapy impossible, all of our services are available via online therapy to anyone physically located in California. Therefore, we work with clients from Sacramento to Palo Alto or even Mountain View. You and your family deserve to finally feel less overwhelmed, so let’s get started!
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